Hello, lovely readers. The Xmas season is almost upon us, and there are outrages everywhere! This will be the first in what I hope to make a semi-weekly collection of rants on some of the awesome/stupid/heinous/glorious stuff that goes on in our awesome/stupid/heinous/glorious world. Instead of bombarding my Facebook feed with articles and posts, I’ve decided to leave that stuff alone and post my complaints or praises here. That way, only those who want to be subjected to them will be. But why wouldn’t you want it? Without further ado, let’s set sail on a sea of cheese, to paraphrase one of the world’s greatest philosophers:
First, “Baby, it’s Cold Outside” and now this…:
There is a petition swirling online, with 113,000 signatures as of this writing, calling for the Walt Disney company to denounce their trademark on the phrase, “Hakuna Matata”.
Why, exactly is this request being made? Because the trademarking of the phrase is, as the petition puts it, “an assault on the Swahili people and Africa as a whole.” First of all, Robert Mugabe would like to discuss their definition of an “assault on Africa”. Secondly, has anyone in the history of the world (or at least since 1994, when the trademark was initially acquired by Disney) been sued for saying “Hakuna Matata”? As soon as Disney takes an 8 year-old to court for cheekily saying the phrase to his folks after he has accidentally shattered the window of the neighbor’s home, I will be on board and will happily lend my voice to the masses who demand the revocation. Finally, if you have seen the movie, “The Lion King”, you know that featured therein is a song called “Hakuna Matata”. It was written by Elton f’ing John and Tim Rice. Should they not have a trademark on their work? Are we really sure that the people who created this petition are not, in fact, protesting the trademarking of an original piece of music written by two brilliant songsmiths? Of course Disney is going to make merchandise featuring the words, but are we quite certain that they are going to start pursuing the Swahili people through the American court system? Are we completely out of problems in the First World?
Yasiel Puig/Matt Kemp/Alex Wood traded to the Cincinnati Reds:
This trade just happened. Seriously, like an hour ago. I haven’t had time to fully process it yet, but you can read about it here. The trade represents something of an end to an era, that being the Yasiel Puig era, in which he licked or flipped bats, turned doubles into triples, singles into outs, caused great consternation and euphoria among Dodgers fans, got demoted to the minor leagues, started a charity, tried to kill Madison Bumgarner, and had fun playing a child’s game. He will be missed, and I wish him luck.
Matt Kemp will be missed, but we’ve already been through this once before, and really, he needed the Dodgers more than they needed him at this point in his career. Alex Wood went 27-10 in the last two years, but he sealed his fate with a dreadful performance in the 2018 World Series.
However, I have a feeling there is a bigger move in play. Homer Bailey was a godawful 1-14 with a 6.09 ERA last season, and not even the malignant Dodgers front office could be that moronic (right?). He will be cut promptly, and now it looks like the Dodgers got essentially nothing for the three players they sacrificed. Kemp was due $20 million next year, Puig $11 million, and Wood $9 million. That’s significant money off the books, and there is now an opening in RF. I’m not having too hard of a time thinking of a very expensive, very young, very brash freeagent RF who would be worth every penny of at $200-300 dollar contract because he puts butts in the seats.
This must happen. If it does not happen, the trade is an absolute nightmare, a white flag waved by a hapless front office. If this does not happen, it is also a huge middle-finger to a fanbase that has showed tremendous loyalty to a team that they cannot watch locally on TV, a penny-pinching scrooge move just in time for Christmas. I have to admit, the more I stare at the two sentences I just wrote, the more pessimistic I become. It comes with being a Dodgers fan. We’ve essentially begged the rest of MLB to outbid us. Everyone “knows” Harper is gonna be a Dodger, so what do they have to lose. This could turn out very bad. Dammit…
A Fool Speaks Loudest 