Aaaaahhhh. Charlton Heston. The man may reside in the George Washington spot on the Mount Rushmore of Unintentionally Funny Performances in Acting. Only William Shatner threatens his primacy, and Bill was in on the joke, while Heston remained gloriously unaware until his last day.
This film was released in 1971, the first one released after Mr. Heston made his transition from historical drama (Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments) to science-fiction (Planet of the Apes). The premise is bonkers: war has broken out between China and the United States, and when the planet is destroyed through chemical warfare, Colonel Robert Neville, M.D. is the lone human survivor. How convenient he is both an army colonel and a medical doctor. Neville rides around in a convertible during the day, carrying a machine gun, siphoning gas (although it isn’t immediately clear why travel is necessary) and “sneaking” into an abandoned movie theater to watch the last movie that was shown during civilization, the concert film Woodstock.
Can I say that the image of Charlton “pry-it-from-my-cold-dead-hands” Heston watching Woodstock is magnificent in its absurdity, a glorious gift of hindsight.
Neville must be home by dark every night, because he is being hunted by an evil cult of infected people who possess no supernatural abilities and have an aversion to technology. They do not succeed in their attempts to capture and sacrifice the heavily-armed Heston.
Heston’s Robert Neville is slightly (or perhaps not-so-slightly) crazed. He talks to himself, he’s deeply paranoid, and he hears phones ringing. I do not know if this insanity was intentional, because it is very Heston, but it does make sense. Heston is impossibly macho in a 1970s, man-of-the-house, whiskey-soaked way. It’s easy to see why a guy like him, very WASPY (“160 proof Anglo-Saxon, baby”, as he nauseatingly refers to his own blood) would be so non-plussed about the disappearance of the rest of humanity. They were all just inconveniences to him, anyway, except when he needed to trade in a convertible for a newer convertible. What some people might call chauvinism, he would just call a clever quip.
Which brings us to Rosalind Cash, the female lead. Wait, there are more humans? Don’t ask. This chick had style, man. Unfortunately, she is saddled with some very dumb lines. At one point, she is handed a gun by Heston and demands to know what it is for, despite the fact that she was holding his ass at gunpoint on the back of a motorcycle 10 minutes earlier. I think I was supposed to find her badass. I found her… not.
Here is Ms. Cash. How did she acquire that opulent necklace and sexy, low-cut silk robe in the middle of a dystopia? I told you: don’t ask. Just drink it in, man.
But wait, I have these, and other questions!
Questions:
- How come this disease killed most people but turned those few into wimpy vampires? Even Robert Pattinson thinks these guys are dorks.
- Wait, this is the biological warfare the Americans were developing?
- Is the cult leader, Mathias, the news anchor from the beginning of the film?
- If this cult is so opposed to the use of the wheel, how did they get the catapult in front of Neville’s building?
- Did this vaccine-expert doctor just have a test tube full of antidote sitting on a desk, at room temperature, in his office?
- Did he just flick that test tube and shout “how the hell should I know?”
This film, it just isn’t good. I didn’t expect it to be on par with Ben-Hur, but hoped it would be at least as good as Soylent Green. While being infected with a disease that turns you into a powerless albino with green eyes doesn’t seem fun at all, I can understand why the evil sect did not want to go back to the world favored by Charlton Heston. At one lull in the action, I had a fleeting notion that guys like Heston, Clint Eastwood, and Ronald Reagan really thought this is how life should be, exceedingly average white guys rescuing us all. Then it occurred to me : this film was made in 1971. I should try not to look at it through a 2023 lens and just enjoy it. Problem is, this film isn’t that enjoyable.
I told myself that if I liked this movie, I would jump forward and watch the Will Smith film, I am Legend, which is based off the same source material. Maybe it is unfair, but after watching this barely entertaining film, I solemnly swear to flush that notion from my mind. Omega Man is a mega turd.
A Fool Speaks Loudest 