In the immortal words of Beavis and Butt-head: “well, that sucked, but at least it was short.”
I’m mad, frustrated, and embarrassed by the odious performance of the Los Angeles Dodgers. They straight up blew it, and it wasn’t even close. A narrative has developed around the Dodgers in recent years that they are choke artists, and I’ve always denied that label. Not all losing is choking: going to game 7 in 2017 against a… ahem… well-prepared Astros team was not choking. This 2023 display, though, that’s a choke. The Dodgers absolutely blew it. I’ve seen many Dodgers apologists lamenting the loss of 3 top notch starters (Buehler, May, and Gonsolin) to injury, the suspension of a fourth (dipshit extraordinaire Julio Urias), and the scheduling quirk of a week off between games, and while these things are all valid to varying degrees, they are still ultimately just excuses. Champions face “adversity”, and the Dodgers did not get it done. As Braves manager Brian Snitker pointed out after his own team’s similar ouster (and I hate that he’s right): “it didn’t seem to bother the Astros.”
I did the math after Game 3. The Dodgers’ starters earned run average for the series was a comically bad 28.54. Not a single Dodger fan actually believed that Lance Lynn (who led MLB in home runs surrendered, 48) was gonna get us to game 4. Even if Lynn had succeeded, could we really believe that Clayton Kershaw was finally going to assert postseason dominance? You’d have to be an idiot to believe that. Hope it, sure, but don’t be naive.
Speaking of Kershaw, his performance in this season’s annual October shenanigans has to tarnish his legacy. Yes, he is unquestionably one of the greatest regular season pitchers of all time. 210-92 with an record-setting 2.48 career ERA. He is 88 strikeouts away from 3000 in his career; he has been completely dominant. In the postseason, he is 13-13 with a 5.79 ERA. That’s on par with legends like Ken Schrom and Darren Dreifort. How can he actually ascend the Mt. Rushmore of great Dodgers pitchers with a postseason record like that? Who are we kicking off? Koufax? Hershiser? Valenzuela? Podres? Drysdale? I love Clayton Kershaw, and any conversation that he isn’t the greatest regular season pitcher of the last decade is just absurd or willfully hateful, but those postseason numbers are no fluke. Is there a stranger career than Kershaw’s at this point? A first ballot Hall of Famer who inspired absolute dread for his own fans in the postseason?
I don’t want to go too hard on K, though. As much as his Game One performance was a towel shot to the nuts, our boys Freddie Freeman and Mookie Betts went 1-21 combined in the series. These are two guys who have not shied away from the postseason spotlight; both are world champions already, and they flat out stunk. Betts is 3-32 in his last two postseasons combined. Freeman’s only hit was a hustle infield single. Thanks for hustling, dude, but that is small consolation. I will be haunted until spring by Freeman watching that 82 mph breaking ball go past him in Game 2.
ALCS: Texas Rangers v. Houston Astros
Personally, I cannot imagine a less likable showdown than these two squads from the Lone Star State. We all though it was sooo groovy that we were finally gonna have a postseason without the Yankees or Red Sox in it, and instead we get dueling former Giants managers. I’d long ago reached my zenith of toleration for Bruce Bochy’s Wild Card extravaganzas, but watching him do it with Corey Seager, Nate Eovaldi, Josh Sborz, Andrew Heaney, and Max Scherzer makes me want to walk into the sea. I wonder who feels sicker: me over Corey Seager, or Cardinals fans over Adolis Garcia? On principle, I cannot root for a Bruce Bochy-led Wild Card team.
So, what am I gonna do? Root for Dusty Baker’s Astros? Loathsome. That toothpick-twirling, rubber glove-wearing, bullpen-wrecking traitor. Let’s not act like Dusty Baker is some noble symbol of returning dignity for Houston… never forget the absolute pig-dog this dude presided over, tolerated, and even encouraged. To hell with Baker, to hell with the Astros (as if I need to explain that any further), I cannot even watch this series.
NLCS: Arizona Diamondbacks v. Philadelphia Phillies
That is Ken Kendrick, managing partner of the Arizona Diamondbacks. It’s appropriate that he looks vaguely like a slug, because he behaves vaguely like an invertebrate. Way back in 2013, this person harassed a group of Dodgers fans that were sitting behind home plate. To summarize, Kendrick didn’t like that Dodger fans were sitting in view of the center field cameras (the ones most commonly seen throughout a broadcast), and forced them to either change out of their Dodgers gear or move to different seats. I know, based on how ESPN and MLB Network have been gushing about the way Philadelphia conducted itself during the LDS against Atlanta (more on that momentarily), that pettiness is popular in baseball right now, but I cannot abide. When organizations are harassing fans, or blocking ticket sales to people in certain zip codes, that organization is garbage. Also, why a build a swimming pool if you aren’t gonna have company over to use it? Kendrick might be slug-like, but his team are a bunch of glorified worms (also invertebrates), and there is no chance I will ever root for them.
As for Philadelphia… ok I get it, a rowdy crowd is good for TV, and it’s generally good, clean, fun. The Orlando Arcia situation was largely the media’s creation, and frankly, I do not blame the Phillies or their fans for capitalizing on it. I stand with Kevin Gausman on the issue (certainly the first time I’ve ever stood with Gausman), when he said, “it’s ridiculous us players would have to watch what we say in OUR clubhouse.”
That said, it seems like putting up signage or video that is not coming organically from fans, that is cultivated by the organization itself, is petty. Think back to the “crying Kershaw” meme in San Diego. The baseball gods have a way of punishing these things. Garrett Stubbs should pause a moment to recognize that his boys still have to win two more rounds.
Again, I get this was mostly created by the media, who have convinced themselves that baseball isn’t glorious enough without garbage like this, but unlike Arcia, Stubbs is doing this for the benefit of the camera. I mean, who isn’t a fan of laughing at the Mets, but this was a stray bullet. Petty, dude. You won. The Mets are cleaning up beer cans in the beach house before the Braves and Dodgers get there. Calling out the Mets at a time like that shows that you maybe oughta charge the Mets some rent. Dude, you’re a backup catcher. You didn’t even make an appearance in the series.
So, we’ve got two loathsome organizations, two petty organizations. Not a shred of decency left in the whole lot. Baseball has, once again, left me depressed and empty. It’s not easy being so fair and balanced. Spring training is 151 days away…
A Fool Speaks Loudest 
