“I’ve got a sickness, it’s called being very handsome and a skillful loverwith a good credit rating disease.” *
Punk rock has a knack for showing back up in your life exactly when you need it. If you grew up with even just one record from Sub Pop, SST, Epitaph, K, Alternative Tentacles, or Dischord (surely countless others, but these are mine), you know what I mean. Perhaps, you never let it go. It’s possible you’ve thought to yourself you’ve outgrown it, or your heart just isn’t in it any longer. With the recent nationwide, uniquely American unpleasantness fresh in my mind, I’d been spending the past week enraged, confused, and anxious to let off some kind of steam. I didn’t know exactly how to describe or express it, but I knew I needed someone to commiserate with me on a visceral level. Then, these lads from Leeds, England showed up in my life with some punk rock, exactly when I needed it. Thank is the band we all need.
I Have a Physical Body That Can Be Harmed (or IHAPBTCBH, going forward and for brevity’s sake) is perfect. It starts off with Control, which sounds like the Melvins’ “Hung Bunny/Roman Bird Dog” decided to share a room with Gary Numan and conceived Idles, or a very British Spencer Moody. Control spends the first three minutes building up to the last minute’s finale of absolute noise rock Valhalla. I really love this song.
The absolute idiocy of the Trump era has completely butchered satire. However, Thank pulls it off wonderfully in Woke Frasier. It isn’t necessarily witty, but it throws the kind of punches that are cathartic in their pettiness and vitriol. This is the song that made me realize how much I needed IHAPBTCBH and Thank:
Do It Badly is sound advice for the mediocre white boys of the world. A page out of the Vandals playbook, but instead of delivering it with a smirk, Thank delivers with a dark sneer.
Spores is a solid piece of stoner metal.
* The lyrics that appeared at the beginning of this screed are taken from Down With The Sickness. I hope that the people out there who are seeking out Godsmack accidentally find Thank, instead, and are forever enlightened.
Seriously, IHAPBTCBH is excellent. This one is gonna give Melt-Banana a run for their money as record of the year. I’m wearing this monster out. An absolutely perfect record for our moment.
I’ll cut to the chase: I’m deeply obsessed with this record. Melt-Banana has been awesome for a long time, but this record has MxBx going way past just being awesome and seizing a throne. 3+5 is so heavy, so intense, that when I heard it blast through my Skullcandy headphones, I was forced to get up and pace around the room, grinning like a fool. I considered thrusting open the front door and bursting out onto the street, letting out a giant “bleeyargh!” and taking off running.
Songs should always be a very intense, very short, 3 minutes or less, or an epic 8 minutes or longer. This album takes the former approach, cramming 9 songs into 24 minutes. Honestly, this album could not have gone on another minute, the world would have been set ablaze and the listeners’ hearts would explode. I started it over again immediately. And then immediately again.
Melt-Banana has always been oppressive music, not in the same way Khanate is, but in the way I imagine a full aerial assault would be. They are on the attack, and you are the target. This time, the music is uplifting and victorious, and it is the best they’ve ever made. It’s still a full aerial assault, but this time, the band is on your side. It’s a rallying cry. If you can’t join up with Melt-Banana after this, you are dead inside.
3+5 is unquestionably my favorite album of 2024, and that’s saying something, because this year has experienced quite a renaissance of music that is weird, heavy, and cool. This might be my favorite record of the post-pandemic era, that is, this depressing decade of the 2020s. Get your ears deep into this.
This person, me, reading this book, is like a member of the choir being preached to by his pastor. I’ve enjoyed The Young Turks (TYT) since the grainy, public access-y early days of Christian side hugs during the Bush era. I rode with author Cenk Uygur through his Al-Jazeera and MSNBC stints, I have volunteered for Wolf-pac.com (and I cannot encourage you enough to do the same, more on that momentarily), and I canvassed Modesto as a member of Alison Hartson’s campaign to unseat the odious Dianne Feinstein in 2016. I am steeped in TYT. I mention this only to demonstrate that I am absolutely biased towards the author of this book.
I wish I could get this book into the hands of the people who are not steeped in TYT and Cenk Uygur, the people who haven’t heard of him, or, even better, find him objectionable. Uygur’s explanation of media powers and motivation (spoiler: they aren’t objective reporters of truth), why Democrats have lost so much support in a country that is otherwise progressive, and where power actually lies (spoiler: not in the hands of marginalized demographics or immigrants) are undeniably persuasive and powerful. Uygur does not hide his disdain for right-wing MAGA thought, so it will be very hard to break through the cognitive dissonance happening with that 30% of the population, but it is not the media’s job to be neutral spectators. Rather, it is to call out injustice and speak truth to and about power. The feeling you have that something isn’t right, that we’re being hosed, is not unreasonable. You’re right; but don’t look down, don’t look across the table, look up. Who benefits from the status quo? Who has proven to be a fantastic return on investment for the oligarchs? What motivates corporations? Why does the media try so hard to malign policies that help people, or act like centrism is a politician’s highest virtue?
Wolf-pac.com
Get money out of politics and end legalized bribery. We are working to call a convention to amend the constitution to eliminate dark money and establish publicly-funded elections.
Brief Record Review: Kim Gordon, The Collective
Your humble narrator has been anticipating this one for quite some time. The dissolution of Sonic Youth is an absolute tragedy, but all the members have continued to soldier on individually, creating some of the best music of the 21st century. I haven’t decided if the notion that the old heads from SY are lapping the pack is a bad sign for where music is headed, but I’m also 44 years old, so the new stuff isn’t for me, anyhow.
Thurston Moore’s 2020 record Beyond the Fire was most similar to Sonic Youth’s catalog and one of the best albums I’ve ever heard (all his stuff is great, even if Demolished Thoughts makes me feel a little icky), Lee Ranaldo’s work is the weirdest, heaviest, acid-trippiest of the solo efforts (check out In Virus Times or his work with Mdou Moctar), and Kim Gordon has been on fire with Body/Head. As far as I know, this is her first “solo” work since the end of Sonic Youth, and it was worth the wait.
Kim Gordon’s contributions to Sonic Youth were dissonant lullabies, songs like “Bull in the Heather” and “Star Power” served as twinkling interludes between Ranaldo’s and Moore’s almost industrial assault. Her vocal delivery is equal parts coy whisper, children’s story time, and riot grrl wail. She’s unbelievably hip, fashionable, and everyone’s punk rock spiritual mother. So many badass ladies (Kat Bjelland, Kathleen Hanna, and Annie Clark, to name a few) have walked in her footsteps, but none have been as effortlessly cool.
This brings me to The Collective. Right off the bat, Gordon jumps out of the speakers (or even better, some decent, over-the-ear headphones) with “BYE BYE”, a mellow hip-hop song that somehow ends like “Pleasant Valley Sunday” without ever jerking you out of the vibe. I love this song, and would have absolutely worn it out in my “music for studying” playlist era. The whole record rows down this same river. “I Don’t Miss My Mind” seemed somehow familiar to me, like I’d heard it and loved it already, even though that is impossible. “Trophies” sounds like what would happen if Tune-Yards collaborated with King Buzzo for a song. I don’t know if I am personally capable of praising a track any more highly than that. “Shelf Warmer” had me nodding my head and making that angry metal face that you sometimes have to make when a track hits hard. Dude, it’s Kim Gordon. I love her.
Check out the music video for “BYE BYE”, starring Kim’s daughter, Coco. Then go to Bandcamp or a locally owned record shop and make the right decision:
Brief Film Review: When Evil Lurks
DOOD. That was one of the most harrowing movies I’ve watched in a long time.
You should know, this film was made in Argentina and is sub-titled in English. I was unaware of this going in (not sure how I didn’t know), and I almost talked myself out of watching it, but hooo whee, I am glad I chose to stick with it. In fact, I think the fact that it was made outside of the US is part of what made it so disturbing. Americans have some squeamish sensibilities, and maybe have come to expect certain storytelling devices or tropes. This film dispenses with those sensibilities and tropes in a hurry.
The first thing did as the credits rolled was turn to my wife and utter, “I think that movie was way better than Hereditary.”
Take a good look at that preview poster above. Then, go watch When Evil Lurks. Come back here after viewing it and see if you can look at that poster passively again.
Normally, I include the movie preview with my reviews here, but in this instance, I want you to go into the viewing with as little as possible prior knowledge or expectations. Just promise me you’ll watch it.
9/10
Until next time, lovely readers. Enjoy baseball season.
By the power invested in me by the Gods of Rock, I am officially withdrawing from my post as Patron Saint of Aerosmith.
Has there ever been a legendary rock band that has made their patron saint’s job more difficult? Through the years of embarrassing movie soundtrack songs, even more embarrassing Super Bowl halftime shows, unbearable album titles (Honkin’ on Bobo), and Steven Tyler’s stint on American Idol, not only did I stand by them, I exalted their righteousness as a pantheon-worthy band. Well, f** it, I quit. There’s an adage about standing by your friends, backing their plays, and I’m very big on loyalty. However, our friends have a responsibility to us, as well, to make sure we don’t have to back bad plays. Aerosmith has proven that loyalty is a one-way street.
And I really be feelin’ like I should movin’ on…
It all started in January of 2020, during Aerosmith’s ill-fated Las Vegas residency. I had mixed feelings about a residency at all, but as long as it kept them out of the studio recording music written by professional song doctors, I could live with it. Perhaps they would even choose their setlist wisely and reclaim a bit of their decadent, 1970s glory (spoiler: they didn’t). After a myriad of show cancellations, usually due to Tyler’s relapses or injuries, it seemed inconceivable that any tragedy could befall them in a Vegas hotel room. They only had to travel up and down in an elevator.
What I should have recognized is that Aerosmith are the masters of self-inflicted wounds.
The seeds of the problem actually took root in April of 2019, when drummer Joey Kramer somehow did manage to injure himself, forcing the band to complete the remaining slate of dates with a fill-in (Kramer’s drum tech, if you can believe that). Kramer claimed it was a minor injury, and in fact was ready to return to the stage by June of that year, when the second slate of performances was set to begin. According to Kramer’s replacement, John Douglas, he was “told” by Steven Tyler that Kramer was unable to perform those dates, and that he would be filling in for the remainder of the residency.
All the while, Joe Perry had been barnstorming with the odious Hollywood Vampires, playing second guitar for Johnny Depp. This is only important because of the context; Joe Perry and Joey Kramer were treated quite differently within the band.
Joe Perry suffered a goddamn heart attack in 2016 while touring with Vampires, and there was never any question that if Aerosmith needed to cancel shows to get Perry back to full health, it would have been done. Of course, there is a clear argument that, in the Aerosmith hierarchy, Joey Kramer is no Joe Perry. That much is obvious, and really, not the issue.
Aerosmith did, in fact, cancel shows from their 2016 tour, and their 2017 follow-up (the atrociously named Aero-Verderci European “farewell” tour) due to injury/illness befallen upon Perry and Tyler. Fair enough, as there is no Aerosmith without the Toxic Twins. What did not happen to Tyler and Perry that did happen to Kramer, is that they were not made to re-audition for the band.
Aerosmith has been releasing records since 1973. Joey Kramer has been the drummer for each of those releases. Joe Perry cannot claim the same accolade in regards to his guitar playing. Joe Perry left the band in 1979 during the recording of Night in the Ruts, and was absent entirely from Rock in a Hard Place (an underrated anomaly of the weird, odd, and boozy).
I cannot think of a circumstance in which it is appropriate for a band as long-running and successful as Aerosmith to make a founding member re-audition. They rightfully did not do it to Joe Perry, and they damn sure shouldn’t have done it to Joey Kramer. It’s a huge kick in the balls to the guy responsible for the beat to Walk This Way.
Ok, so the guy was injured and needed some time to get back into fighting shape.
In January of 2020, Joey Kramer sued Aerosmith for the opportunity to be included in the Grammys Lifetime Achievement Honors concert, during which the band would be honored. Making the guy re-audition is bad enough, excluding him from this event is absurd. In his suit, Kramer correctly mentions that other members of Aerosmith have suffered injuries and setbacks and have not been made to re-audition, let alone excluded from band events. Excluding him from a lifetime achievement award seems spiteful and cruel, and certainly not in the spirit of brotherhood you would expect from a band that has been together so many years.
The band had the temerity to claim in their response that allowing him to join the band on such “short notice” would be doing a “disservice” to the fans. Gross.
And if you think that’s gross, wait until you get a load of Steven Tyler as of 12 hours ago.
Today, Steven Tyler submitted his defense against a sexual abuse lawsuit filed in December of 2022.
Look, I get it. the 1970s were a different time. Things have damn sure changed since then. Behaviors that were indulged or ignored in 1973 are absolutely frowned upon in 2023. I’m sure you can deduce what some of those things might be. I’m not here to litigate what is or isn’t appropriate, or how long is too long to come forward about something that happened to you but…
In his memoir, Steven Tyler admits that he became sexually involved with a 16 year-old (with some very colorful language), eventually adopting her so that he wouldn’t get arrested taking her across state lines.
In her suit, Tyler’s accuser claims he forced her to have an abortion at 17.
Tyler’s defense, paraphrased, is that Tyler committed no crime because the female consented and that his legal guardianship grants him “immunity or qualified immunity.”
Steven Tyler is arguing that legal guardianship grants a person immunity from prosecution for sexually assaulting the person they are legally a guardian for. That’s positively heinous. Imagine the claim he is actually making, taken to the logical conclusion.
So yeah, can’t defend these guys any longer. Does that mean I can’t enjoy their catalog? Does it lessen their art? I can answer in the resoundingly negative for both of those instances, in my case, but I wouldn’t blame you for feeling otherwise. To be sure, I won’t be buying any more Aerosmith merchandise so that my hard-earned dollars can go to funding this skin-crawling defense. I probably wouldn’t buy any more Aerosmith music anyhow, the last album was awful, and dude, it’s just time to stop. Take a permanent vacation.
A Fool Speaks Loudest 