Technology is inevitable. Advancement in technology is unavoidable, and has permanently transformed  the human experience. We can take our work wherever we go on our laptops, we can store and access family photos on the Cloud, and we have the entirety of human knowledge literally at our fingertips; our internet-connected smartphones assure it. It’s hard to envision our 21st century existence without technology as an integral part.

According to MSN, California’s technology industry contributed $93.1 billion to the state’s GDP in 2017, and employed 264, 698 people (nearly as many as the entire workforce of Wyoming), making it the largest industry in the state.

Undoubtedly, the technology industry, much of which is housed in Silicon Valley and San Francisco, has been a bastion for the state. However, there have been unintended consequences resulting from a glut of specialized, technical, high-paying jobs. Displacement of low-income and blue collar workers and the gentrification of old neighborhoods is one such consequence. San Francisco in particular has been hit by rising housing costs and high demand.

This is an investigation of how the technology industry has contributed to gentrification, defined by Whittle, et al, as “the process by which higher income households displace lower income residents of a neighborhood, changing the essential character and flavor of that neighborhood.”

I will use Neil Smith’s rent-gap theory of gentrification as a guide. Smith’s theory posits that gentrification happens when a site’s actual (current) value is measured against a site’s potential value at ‘best use’. When the gap in an area grows large enough to offset the cost of capital reinvestment, landowners and real estate developers will capitalize.

From 2011 to 2014, the technology industry in San Francisco grew 90% (Stehlin). To put this in perspective, it grew by a “mere” 30% in Silicon Valley during the same stretch. 1,800 new tech companies brought 42,000 new high-wage workers into the San Francisco Bay Area (Rosen, et al). Demand for housing increased along with the jobs.

60% of housing in San Francisco is renter occupied, and 70% of that is protected by rent controls (Stehlin, Rosen). Areas like the Mission and Chinatown concentrate low or very low income populations (Opillard). Real estate developers and property owners recognized that the demand for property was an untapped source of larger property incomes, due to the influx of higher-paid, specialized workers coming into the city, but rent controls and ordinances precluded many of them from making changes.

The San Francisco Residential Rent Stabilization Ordinance (Rent Ordinance) and Condominium Conversion Ordinance are intended to protect renters from unreasonable rent increases or evictions. The Rent Ordinance applies to multi-family units built before June 1979 and limits rent increases to 2% per year for existing tenants.  The Condominium Conversion Ordinance (CCO) was intended to limit the number of rental conversions to no more than 1,000 annually, which would keep renters in their homes instead of being displaced by wealthier buyers of  refurbished or rebuilt condominiums (Rosen, et al).

However, there are loopholes. California law includes a provision called the Ellis Act. The Ellis Act allows landlords who wish to get out of the rental business the unconditional right to do so. Following certain guidelines, landlords can evict all of their tenants.  This law creates the opportunity for developers to convert rental units into condominiums. Corporations are able to buy out entire buildings, evict the tenants, and sell each apartment, piece by piece, as condominiums.

An example of how this works is the case of Elba Borgen. In 2006, Borgen led a group of speculators purchasing and evicting (under the Ellis Act) a property at 1530 McAllister Street. However, Borgen did not exit the rental business. She has continued to buy properties and serve residents with Ellis evictions. Borgen’s attorney, Lyssa Paul, told KPIX that evicting people is dirty work, but someone has to do it.

“If there is a six unit building and it’s Ellis-acted, then I have six new first time homebuyers who now have a place to live,” Paul said.

Of course, homeownership is a positive development for the city’s coffers. Homeowners pay property taxes. Selling each apartment piece by piece as condominiums also exempts the building from rent controls, enriching the landowners.  The human cost, however, is hard to ignore. Since 2013, 79% of Ellis Act evictions concerned properties that were bought five years earlier or less (Opillard).

How does this relate to the tech boom? Since 2008, large tech firms have sought offices in San Francisco to take advantage of the rapid growth. In 2011, Mayor Ed Lee attempted to spread this growth to the Tenderloin/Mid-Market areas. As a response to Twitter’s threat to leave San Francisco, Lee enacted the Central Market Payroll Tax Exclusion. The exclusion allowed any employer with an annual payroll of $250,000 or greater, located within the district, to have their payroll taxes waived for six years (Stehlin).

The Tenderloin/Mid-Market area has long served an impecunious population. Single room occupancy hotels, discount stores, and vacant storefronts have long been the face of this district. With the tax exclusion, Twitter’s offices have anchored a “turnaround” of the district, and at least 18 other firms have moved in since, among them Yahoo, Uber, and Pinterest (Stehlin).

The efforts to woo these corporations led to more neoliberal policies around private ownership and public funding. The tax exclusion is just one example (Whittle, et al). By 2014, over 40 new, privately-owned housing developments were planned or under construction. In short, what was once home to a host of “scary” urban subjects was becoming  gentrified with more palatable “street life”, one that was appealing to the higher-income crowd.

As Dan Hammel points out, rents are raised by positive neighborhood effects. Public investment in streetscape encourages the reevaluation of real estate at the parcel level, yielding higher rents or property taxes. The Rent-Gap Theory.

Another way that the tech boom has affected gentrification is with the introduction of private bus lines, “Google Buses”. The huge, unmarked, unregulated buses carry high-paid workers from the homes in San Francisco to their jobs in Silicon Valley, and have become symbolic of a gentrified Bay.

Alexandra Goldman, a researcher at UC Berkeley, examined the rental prices within one-half of a mile of five Google Bus stops around the city. She looked at rental prices for one- and two-bedroom listings in those areas, and found that the prices have risen drastically there. For example, from 2010 to 2012, the price of a two-bedroom rental near the Lombard stop rose 14%. More enlightening still, Goldman found that listings for these homes were very likely to list proximity to a Google bus stop as an amenity. This certainly implies that landlords are targeting tech employees, and that they can raise their rents accordingly.

Goldman, A. (2013). The “Google Shuttle Effect”: Gentrification and San Francisco’s Dot Com Boom 2.0. 43. Retrieved May 6, 2018, from http://svenworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Goldman_PRFinal.pdf

Hammel, D. J. (1999). Gentrification And Land Rent: A Historical View Of The Rent Gap In Minneapolis. Urban Geography,20(2), 116-145. doi:10.2747/0272-3638.20.2.116

Opillard, F. (2015). Resisting the Politics of Displacement in the San Francisco Bay Area: Anti-gentrification Activism in the Tech Boom 2.0. European Journal of American Studies,10(3). doi:10.4000/ejas.11322

Rosen, M., & Sullivan, W. (2012). FROM URBAN RENEWAL AND DISPLACEMENT TO ECONOMIC INCLUSION: SAN FRANCISCO AFFORDABLE HOUSING POLICY 1978-2014. Retrieved May 6, 2018, from http://www.prrac.org/pdf/SanFranAffHsing.pdf

San Francisco Real Estate Investor Tops ‘Dirty Thirty’ List Over Ellis Act Evictions. (2014, April 24). Retrieved from http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/04/24/san-francisco-real-estate-investor-tops-dirty-thirty-list-over-ellis-act-evictions/

Smith, N. (1996). The new urban frontier: Gentrification and the revanchist city. London: Routledge.

Stebbins, S. (2017, August 17). Largest Industry in each state. Retrieved May 6, 2018, from https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/largest-industry-in-each-state/ss-AAqgcef#image=6

Stehlin, J. (2015). The Post-Industrial “Shop Floor”: Emerging Forms of Gentrification in San Franciscos Innovation Economy. Antipode,48(2), 474-493. doi:10.1111/anti.12199

Whittle, H. J., Palar, K., Hufstedler, L. L., Seligman, H. K., Frongillo, E. A., & Weiser, S. D. (2015). Food insecurity, chronic illness, and gentrification in the San Francisco Bay Area: An example of structural violence in United States public policy. Social Science & Medicine,143, 154-161. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2015.08.027

(I wrote this in January 2013, and I experienced a few formatting issues when re-posting here…Still learning!)

I refuse to begin this post by speaking in platitudes about “new year, new beginnings” and other such hogwash. Fact is, no extinction level events took place, so we should all be fairly satisfied to just continue on existing.

That said, welcome to the New Year!! We all know what January means: a new class of National Baseball Hall of Fame inductions! This year’s potential class has been extensively (exhaustively?) discussed, as holier-than-thou sportswriters continue to condemn and dismiss an entire era of baseball players because of suspected/admitted/proven/magical/forced P.E.D. use. A guy like Mike Piazza, who reigns supreme among catchers, all time, in home runs, is having his credentials questioned because he played in the wrong era and happens to be huge. A huge CATCHER. Because Carlton Fisk and Gary Carter, Hall of Famers who Piazza hit more home runs than, were tiny men. I don’t recall ever hearing Piazza confess to anything, and I certainly don’t remember his name ever being linked to steroid use. Until now, of course.

Just look at how Piazza dwarfs the rest of them!! He’s hulking! He’s enormous! He’s… oh wait, he’s just about the same size as Carter and Fisk. In fact, the only person in this photo he is considerably bigger than is Yogi Berra, who is shriveled, and 148 years old.

But I digress…

I am not here to discuss the new ballot entries, which I have already done, at great length. Let me just say that I have recently heard a few voters reconsider their votes, arguing that an entire generation of players should not be excluded. Hmm. Where have I heard THAT before?

No, I am here to prove, to the BBWAA*  and beyond all reasonable doubt, that a Hall of Fame injustice has been done, and must be set right!! Orel Hershiser must be re-instated to the ballot, and inducted post-haste, before the Baseball Hall of Fame becomes as meaningful as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Scoff if you wish, but I ask you: What attributes must a player possess to be not merely considered for, but inducted into, the Hall of Fame? I posit that the following five categories must be carefully weighed:

1. Was the player dominant in the era in which they played?

2. Was the player transcendent in their popularity?

3. Does the player hold any records, and how important or unbreakable are those records?

(Obviously, owning the record for most beanings does NOT qualify a person for consideration)

4. How do the player’s career numbers compare to other HOF players?

5. Did the player enjoy any significant post-season success?

I can (and will) argue that Mr. Hershiser possess astounding qualifications in all of the categories mentioned above.

So without further adieu, I present the case for Orel Hershiser’s induction into the 2013 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Class:

Hershiser’s career began in 1983 as a September call-up. He didn’t even qualify for a decision that season, but in 1984, he finished 3rd in NL ROY balloting after appearing in 45 games, compiling an 11-8 record and tossing 8 complete games, 4 of them shut-outs. In 1985, “Bulldog” (a nickname given to the nerdy Hershiser by his ultra-motivational manager, Tommy Lasorda, to encourage him to be more aggressive on the mound), broke through with a mind-boggling .864 winning percentage, the result of his 19-3 record, minuscule 2.03 ERA and a league-leading .3(!) HR per 9 innings.

In 1988, Hershiser won the NL Cy Young Award, a Gold Glove, and a 2nd consecutive ASG appearance, going 23-8 with a 2.26 ERA, 8 complete game shutouts (15 CG overall), and a WHIP of 1.05. The Dodgers won the World Series that year, Orel himself going 2-0, both complete games, and being named series MVP. This, of course, after being named NLCS MVP. Truly, this adds up to the most ultimately dominant and transcendent season ever, right?

Of course, one (or two) dominant seasons does not a Hall of Famer make.

The Man Called “Bulldog” (Getty Images)

So, let’s compare Orel’s career numbers to a Hall of Famer’s, just to see how they stack up. After all, isn’t that a fitting measurement of HOF-worthiness? The best comparison is to fellow Dodger, Don Drysdale (I realize, at this moment, that there are some snarky, Giants-loving types out there who will take the following information and use it as evidence that, perhaps, Drysdale does NOT belong in the Hall):

Hershiser career (1983-2000): 

204-150, 3.48, 2,014 SO, 3,130 IP, 68 CG, .576 Win %.

13-8 in post-season with a 2.59 ERA (4-1 in AL)

 3-time All-Star, 1 Cy Young Award, 1 Gold Glove, 1 Silver Slugger

 Led league in IP 3 consecutive seasons (1987-1989)

Drysdale career (1956-1969): 

209-166, 2.95, 2,486 SO, 3,342 IP, 167(!) CG, .557 Win %

3-4 in post-season (although, he DID win 3 rings)

8-time All-Star, 1 Cy Young Award

Led league in SO 3 times, games started 4 times

Drysdale clearly holds the advantage in strikeouts and Complete games, while Hershiser is the obvious winner in post-season success numbers. The career win/loss records are virtually deadlocked, Drysdale winning 4 more games, but Hershiser losing 16 less (in 4 more seasons). I’ll give Drysdale points for the fact that he CERTAINLY didn’t need to be encouraged to aggressive (how many pitches does it take to intentionally walk a guy? One).

So, that makes THIS the clincher:

Obviously, Orel Hershiser is (was) a star of the HIGHEST order. This, along with his encyclopedic knowledge of the game of baseball, must be the reason he was asked to call MLB games on ESPN (Note: He has since been hired by the Dodgers to call games on their flagship station. The prodigal son returns! – Ed.).  Besides, if he wasn’t a star, why would they let him play Celebrity Poker? So we can check the “Fame” box on our list, as well.

This is becoming almost TOO easy. How could the writers NOT vote for a man so accomplished, so great?

In fact, there is only one reason I can think of why Orel should NOT be allowed entry into the Hall of Fame:

So remember, lovely readers, when you watch the Hall of Fame announcement on Wednesday, the whole thing is farcical. They won’t let in ANY of the most deserving players, including this man, the most deserving of all. You saw it here first. Cheers.

September 1, 2018. Chicago, Illinois. The Sears Centre Arena.  There are 10,400  indie wrestling fanatics in attendance, the biggest crowd for an American wrestling event not booked by WCW or WWF since the early 1990s. The event: “All In”; which seems to be an absolutely perfect title (RIP Curt Hennig). It encompasses, in a manner of speaking, the way in which many of the major disparate and independent wrestling companies came together for this “super-show”, as well as the nature of the things they would throw onto the card. Indeed, both good and bad were “all in”.

The show was booked, whatever that means in wrestling circles these days, by Cody Rhodes and Matt & Nick Jackson, aka The Young Bucks, all three of whom pulled double duty this evening as wrestlers. When tickets went on sale, they sold out in thirty minutes (the venue holds nearly 12,000 patrons, but the entrance ramp setup blocks out a section of seating). It brought together athletes from ROH, Impact, CMLL, the resurgent NWA, and the not-so-indie New Japan Pro Wrestling. The idea was simple: give fans of independent wrestling (see: any wrestling company that is not owned by Vince McMahon) a night of dream match-ups and generate some interest and money for all the parties involved.

This is how it turned out.

I experienced a great deal of audio-visual issues during the opening match. I do not think it was the fault of ROH, the promotion under whose banner the event ultimately flew. There was either full sound and a shoddy picture, or a pristine display accompanied by choppy audio. It took me until the conclusion of the opening bout to figure out that I needed to switch rooms and devices to experience the event without issues. Once I figured that out, we were off and running…

Madison Rayne v. “Hot Mess” Chelsea Green v. Tessa Blanchard v. Dr. Britt Baker

Britt Baker is apparently a dentist. I figured this out when her entrance video displayed a dental x-ray of a person getting their teeth kicked out. Then she came to the ring in what I can best describe as a bedazzled dentist’s outfit. This is already a million times better than Isaac Yankem’s gimmick. It is safe to say this is the best dentist gimmick in the history of pro wrestling. Chelsea Green entered the ring with half of her face covered in smeared makeup, carrying a bouquet of flowers, wearing half a wedding veil. The same side of her body that had the smeared makeup and veil was also adorned in white. The other half of her attire was, reminiscent of Two-Face, green and pink, while her visage was made into a perfectly reasonable amount of well-applied makeup. Chelsea Green is a very pretty girl, and it took me about half the match to realize that she was going for a “Two-Face” vibe. Believe it or not, it wouldn’t be even close to the last time the split-personality angle was explored by a wrestler this evening. Tessa Blanchard came down the ramp and was greeted by her father, the legendary Horseman, WWE Hall of Famer, Tully Blanchard, and Magnum T.Ahey…Wait just a minute! Why are Tully Blanchard and Magnum T.A. hanging out, hugging? T.A. once tried to take Blanchard’s eye out with a broken chair leg!

During the match, it became clear to me why Madison Rayne, who has been in the business for at least a decade, has never been interesting or broken through to the next level. It’s because she’s not very good. Everything about her is exceptionally mediocre. Tessa Blanchard would clearly destroy fellow Horseman’s daughter Charlotte Flair, were they ever to meet in the ring. In fact, Tessa should make it her mission in life to call Charlotte out whenever she can. She should give no regard to the fact that Charlotte works for Vince McMahon, Tessa should verbally attack Charlotte whenever the opportunity arises. If Big Poppa Pump can attack The Rock and Steve Austin across the airwaves on WCW Television, Tessa Blanchard should do the same. Tessa should demand to know why Charlotte is going around calling Bayley, Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch and herself the Four Horsewomen, when we all know that Blanchards and Flairs would never be caught keeping company with those lesser athletes. If Charlotte insists on continuing this charade, Tessa will be forced to come after not only her three little friends, but Charlotte as well. Anyway, Tessa won after hitting Green with a hammerlock DDT, and then all four girls stood around and did some more hugging. Despite the mutual respect, this was a decent little match.

DUDE! That was Sean Mooney!

Cody Rhodes v. Nick Aldis (NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match)

Third match on the card!?

A video package is shown that is supposed to inform us how Cody and Aldis got to this point, but really all it does is show them talking. Thing is, there is music playing over the video, so we can’t hear what they are saying. It does nothing to explain the back story between the two.

Cody’s music hits. Brandi Rhodes, his beautiful wife, is the first to hit the ramp, dressed in essentially the same outfit Britney Spears wore in the “Toxic” video. She looks great. The camera cuts backstage, and Cody is shown walking towards the entranceway, flanked by an entourage that includes Tommy Dreamer and Diamond Dallas Page. Hey, that’s pretty cool! The whole thing feels very MMA, and it lends to the big fight feel of the affair. Aldis’ entrance is treated the same way, although he has no female to precede him, and he is flanked by “Double J” Jeff Jarrett and… Daivari?

The crowd is electric as the two shake hands before the bell rings. Announcer Don Callis explains why Aldis’ tights say “dealer” on the back. To paraphrase:

Back  in December of 2017, Cody Rhodes failed to defeat then-ROH World Champion Dalton Castle for his belt. Rhodes had been demanding a match against Aldis for the latter’s NWA championship, a title that was held by Rhodes’ father, “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, on three occasions. Aldis responded that he would only defend his NWA Championship against Rhodes if he succeeded against Castle. Rhodes, in an act of desperation, offered to put his $10,000 Ring of Honor ring (as in, jewelery) up as collateral if Aldis would give him a title shot. Cody was the “gambler”.  Aldis, ever confident, believed he was playing with house money, and hence was the “dealer”. This is great stuff.

Cody is sporting a weightlifting belt emblazoned with the words “Do The Work”. The word “do” is colored with black and yellow polka dots, a tribute to Rhodes’ late father. “The” is simply gold lettering, a shout-out to Goldust, Cody’s brother. “Work” is red, white, and blue, a reference to Cody’s nickname, “The American Nightmare”.

The urgency with which Rhodes is chasing the title, yearning to follow in his father’s footsteps, is palpable. However, just over 9 minutes in, referee Earl Hebner stops the match and raises the universal “X over the head” hand signal that means one combatant is seriously hurt and help is required. DDP comes back down to ringside to help Cody get back in the ring and continue. Daivari, on behalf of Aldis, also returns to ringside, and attempts to cajole DDP into throwing in the towel on Rhodes’ behalf. DDP serves up a diamond cutter to Daivari, and the crowd pops mightily. Rhodes is spurred on to continue, and the match proceeds.

I’ve never been a huge fan of the “holy shit!” chants you hear at almost every wrestling event these days. We’ve seen people get put through tables so many times that I’m more likely to be impressed by a match that doesn’t feature such a spot. Chair shots are soooo 1989. I’ve always felt that if the crowd has it in them to muster up a chant, then they aren’t paying attention to the match. However, this match featured a moment that was truly worthy of a “holy shit!” In fact, that’s precisely what I wailed at my television set when I saw what I’m about to describe.

Aldis was climbing to the top rope to drop an elbow on Rhodes. As Aldis climbed, Brandi entered the ring to plead with her husband’s opponent to show mercy. Just as Aldis reached the top and jumped, Brandi threw herself on her husband’s prone figure and received the blow from Aldis. Holy shit, indeed.

In typical Hebner fashion, the match continued. Horrible officiating.

Miraculously, Cody would get the pinfall on Aldis at 20:45. New NWA World Heavyweight Champ! A great match. Everything that is good about pro wrestling was on display in this match. Things were about swing very hard in the opposite direction.

Joey Janella v. “Hangman” Adam Page

Blech. A no-holds-barred, falls count anywhere match. The IWC (Internet Wrestling Community) loves this stuff. I cannot stand it. However, the silly displays of jumping off ladders and literal cracker barrels rolling at people (Cracker Barrel was a sponsor of the event) were nothing compared to the absolute debacle that came before and after the match.  As great as Aldis/Rhodes was, this whole match, from beginning to end, was that bad.

Another video package was shown prior to this match. I didn’t really understand what was going on in this one, either, but it wasn’t because of an obnoxious musical overdub. It was because what I was witnessing was some of the most nonsensical, mindless, asinine, stupid shit I’ve ever seen.  Take the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard or done and try explaining it to lobster. You’d have to be twice as dumb as the lobster to understand what the hell was going on in this vignette. Dumber still to appreciate it.

Apparently, Adam Page “killed” Joey Ryan by bludgeoning him with a rotary phone. As revenge, Joey Ryan’s spirit inhabited Adam Page’s cowboy boots and proceeded to “haunt” him. Adam Page admitted to police that he murdered Joey Ryan and began calling himself “The Joey Killer”. That actually sounds cooler than it was, trust me.

So that’s where Joey Janella comes in, I guess. Here is some good news. Joey Janella’s valet, Penelope Ford, seems like a very lovely lady. She has nice eyes.

This debacle goes on for far too long until the lovely Penelope grabs a black garbage bag and dumps it in the ring, revealing… Page’s haunted cowboy boots! The crowd starts chanting, “this is awesome,” even though it is decidedly not so. Page tries his best to look petrified, but just looks whiny (or constipated), and I roll my eyes so hard I slam my head into the wall.

The arena suddenly falls dark. A dirge that sounds vaguely like the Undertaker’s theme music begins to play. A picture of Joey Ryan, laying in a coffin, appears on the jumbotron. The camera scrolls down to his crotch (really), and we all get to watch his pants stiffen as he grows a giant boner (really).

Joey Ryan’s dick has its own Undertaker entrance.

Oh, FFS, those are grown-ass men dressed as penises, coming down the entrance way, two by two, chanting like Gregorian monks.  Don Callis tries to appropriately capture the moment by referring to it as a “phalanx of phalluses”. Thank you for trying, Don. Please see yourself out.

Joey Ryan parades down to the ring with a lollipop in his mouth, thrusting his cock in everyone’s face. Page is still trying to act like he’s seen a ghost. It’s terrible. When Ryan reaches the ring, Janella has abandoned the premises, probably wishing he was dead for being a party to this. Ryan proceeds to oil himself up, including pulling out the band of his tights and squirting baby oil directly onto his cock. He takes the lollipop out of his mouth, and that goes down his tights with the lotion.

Then, by far the most absurd thing yet happened (can you even fathom that it still got more absurd!?). Joey Ryan grabs Page’s wrist and places Page’s hand on his dick. Ryan begins flexing his arms, and Page acts like he is having his arm wrung. Joey Ryan then flicks his penis to the side, and Page goes ass over teakettle to the ground. Adam Page has been bodyslammed by Joey Ryan’s johnson. Oh wait, did I mention that Joey Ryan also took the lollipop out of his trunks and jammed it into Page’s opened maw? To hell with this shit.

I immediately understood why this stuff is not considered mainstream and why they can’t sell tickets to children.

I couldn’t tell you who won or lost this match. I’d like to forget I ever saw it.

Flip Gordon v. Jay Lethal (ROH World Heavyweight Championship)

Jay Lethal is shown backstage, pumping himself up for his title defense. A nameless hand appears on screen and hands Lethal a pair of sunglasses. When I saw the sunglasses, I made a mental note: those look like Macho Man shades. Lethal is holding the glasses, examining them, when the same disembodied arm reaches over and slaps Jay Lethal on the shoulder. As if someone hit a switch, Lethal’s eyes enlarge and he begins to gaze at the ceiling.

Flip Gordon makes his way to the ring, accompanied by the vivacious (and returning) Brandi Rhodes! This time, she is dressed in 1940’s military attire, as if she is the last member of a trio that tours military bases singing “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy”. The poor girl is still clearly smarting from the earlier elbow drop. Did I mention she is positively vivacious?

Suddenly, the strains of “Pomp and Circumstance” fill the arena. Jay Lethal appears, dressed in Randy Savage’s clothes. Literally. It is the same outfit Macho Man wore when he made his WCW debut in 1994. Lethal is accompanied to the ring by Lanny Poffo, aka “The Genius”, the Macho Man’s brother. Poffo is wearing a shirt that says “Brother From Another Mother” and has a photo of him and Lethal in a Mega-Powers pose. Lethal is in full Black Machismo mode, complete with Randy Savage mannerisms and movements. I’m really not sure how I feel about this.

Before the match begins, Poffo sticks his hand out to Lethal, requesting a handshake. Lethal obliges, but before they lock hands, Poffo and Lethal both act as though there is electricity running through them. Oh my god, they’re doing the MegaPowers handshake. I am speechless, and really not sure how I feel about this.

Lethal begins the match by insisting Brandi stand in his corner. He repeatedly leaves the ring and escorts Brandi to his preferred spot. At one point, Brandi is overheard objecting, “I’m not Elizabeth”. I don’t think I’m enjoying this.

Look, I get that Randy Savage himself gave Jay Lethal the blessing to do the angle when Macho was alive, but now that Randy is dead and gone, it feels a little dirty to me. Then again, who am I to judge?  If Lanny says it’s alright, it’s alright, right?

Finally, Brandi Rhodes runs into the ring to escape Jay Lethal’s groping outside the ring. Lethal follows her and tries to lift her up onto his shoulders, a’ la Liz and Randy, WrestleMania IV. She turns around and smacks him. On the shoulder. Lethal seems to “snap out of it” (feel a Slim Jim joke coming?), and looks around like he doesn’t know how he got there. Well, that’s it. I officially don’t like this.

So a slap on the shoulder “fixes” it, huh? I cannot decide if I’m relieved it’s over or if I’m afraid of the moment it inevitably starts again.

Wait, wait, wait. Is Flip Gordon “hulking up”? Oh my goodness, I hate this.

I had a hard time concentrating on the match after all of that, and I was still bearing the scars of Joey Ryan’s cock, so I did not enjoy what was probably a solid match. Jay Lethal retained his title after hitting a Lethal Injection on Gordon.

I am petrified when, at the conclusion of the match, Bully Ray runs down to assault both men and Colt Cabana runs down to save them. My sides are already aching from all the knee-slapping comedy, Colt Cabana might just put me on death’s doorstep. Cabana plays it straight and rescues his friends, which means that comedy act Colt Cabana actually got less comedy time on screen than ROH Heavyweight Champion Jay Lethal. I hate myself for loving pro wrestling.

Kenny Omega v. Pentagon Jr.

This was bound to be a fantastic match. I didn’t have a rooting interest, as it is clearly impossible to cheer for a guy who so recently feuded with Chris Jericho (Omega), but it is also impossible to cheer for a guy with both a luchador mask and paint on his face (Pentagon Jr). The announcers do a great job of putting over the contrasts between the two men, their styles, their strategies, and it seems like we are finally gonna get back  to some wrestling.

The crowd is split about 50/50, support-wise, which I found noteworthy, because most people seem to hate TNA Impact Wrestling, whom Pentagon is here representing. Kenny Omega is an internet darling, one of the few examples of good judgement from the IWC, making the crowd reaction even more surprising.

I’m a much bigger fan of Omega’s catch-as-catch-can style than I am of Pentagon Jr’s spot-heavy, luchadore style, but it was Pentagon who delivered the most breath-taking offensive attack of the match, if not the evening.

Late in the match, Pentagon hit Omega with a package piledriver ON THE RING APRON. “Eeeeee. Kenny Omega is dead,” I said to myself. Somehow, Omega kicks out of the pinning combination and manages to return the favor with a package piledriver of his own.

Omega eventually connects with four consecutive V-Trigger kicks and a One-Armed Angel for the win!

As Omega celebrates, the lights in the arena go dark. Oh no, please not Joey Ryan…

The announce team questions what is going on. Has ROH lost the feed? When the lights flash back on, Pentagon has restored himself to his feet and starts attacking Omega. Pentagon connects with a Codebreaker before… wait a minute… “Pentagon” unmasks, and it’s CHRIS JERICHO! Finally something to cheer about! He pummels Omega further before telling him that he will see him on the Jericruise! Fantastic! I feel very good for mentioning to my wife at the outset of the match that I could never cheer for someone who Jericho doesn’t like.

I feel like I should clarify that Jericho is not Pentagon. Jericho switched places with Pentagon when the lights were out. It’s a “swerve”, you know?

The final two matches, Kazuchika Okada v. Marty Scurll and the Six-Man Tag between Rey Mysterio, Fenix, and Bandido & The Young Bucks with Kota Ibushi aren’t of particular interest to me, to tell you the truth. I find Marty Scurll grating, and I actively dislike The Young Bucks and Kota Ibushi. The Young Bucks just seem infinitely punchable, and Kota Ibushi once wrestled a blow-up doll. That’s just not something I can wipe out of my mind or get excited about. Jim Cornette agrees with me, so there’s that.

My Final Thoughts:  If I was the booker, I probably would’ve put the Six-Man Tag Match in the spot where Rhodes/Aldis was. The NWA Title Match was my favorite match of the night, and despite the debacle that was Joey Ryan, all in all it was a good card. It was very much an independent wrestling show, in the sense that you would have a hard time convincing your buddy who doesn’t like wrestling that he would really enjoy the sport if he just watched this show. I like pro wrestling the most when it is trying to convince me it is real, when it isn’t hard to suspend my disbelief. Matches like Aldis/Rhodes and Omega/Pentagon are great examples of that. So truly, “All In” was exactly that: a little bit of everything, good and bad. The women’s match, along with the aforementioned two, make the viewing commitment worth it. I wouldn’t even blame you if your curiosity got the better of you and you watched that Joey Ryan segment. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Jan 5, 2010

     What’s more metal?

July 2, 2016

We interrupt this program for a very important announcement:

Here at AFSL, I’ve tried to avoid too much political discussion. I usually do most of that on Facebook, quick and easy. After all, I barely have time these days to discuss truly important topics like sports and music, why add another millstone around my neck? However, I feel it is my duty to take a moment and express my concern and disdain for the current debate regarding gun laws. No, I do not oppose reasoned and informed discussion, as that is one of the most important aspects of a functioning democracy, as well as one of my personal favorite pastimes. I do, however, find it exceptionally cringeworthy (not to mention nausea-inducing) when platitudes and invective enter into the discussion to replace cooperation and veracity. The gun debate has become an epicenter of misinformation. Of all the Amendments to the Constitution, only the 2nd Amendment seems to inflame such disagreement and passion. It is not suggested daily that the 1st or 5th Amendments be revisited, after all.  I must admit to a certain bias in the following screed, so consider this nothing more than an editorial.

The Fecalator and a fan.

First, I’d like to briefly examine that argument that “if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.” This is patently absurd, as there is not a politician from any party who is suggesting outlawing guns. This is a fiction established by the NRA to create fear and paranoia, which happens to be a perfect environment to sell more guns. An October 2015 article from factcheck.org examined a claim made by Donald Trump, current Republican Presidential nominee and endorsee of the National Rifle Association, that Pres. Obama was planning to sign an executive order that would order our “guns taken away.”  Not only is Trump clearly eloquent, he’s simply wrong (or lying). I have posted the full article below*, but to paraphrase, Obama has stated that he “respects gun rights” and that gun confiscation would be “impossible”. The only law regarding gun confiscation that is on the books currently allows gun confiscation from perpetrators of domestic violence. There is no instance of President Obama suggesting mass confiscation. An extension of this utterly ridiculous talking point employed by ammosexuals and NRA members is that we don’t need gun laws because criminals wouldn’t follow those laws, anyhow. If we follow that logic, why do we need any laws at all? What makes this talking point more disingenuous is that Republicans have demonstrated repeatedly that they understand precisely how laws restricting access to a good or service lessens the proliferation of that good or service. This is exactly why they have put so much effort into creating restrictive abortion laws across the South, shutting down clinics and enforcing “waiting periods”. Simply put, by decreasing access to an item, less people are able to obtain that item. Here, Obama lays it out more eloquently than I possibly could:

I cannot speak for anyone else, but guns make me nervous. I feel less safe when they are around, not safer. That said, the idea of a “good guy with a gun” appeals to me, and I absolutely understand the desire for an individual to carry a gun for self-security or the protection of their family and property. I do not endorse or condone the complete overturn of the 2nd Amendment. I’m not sure anyone does.

There also exists an argument that those with “evil in their hearts” would find a way to commit atrocities regardless of whether they have guns or not. That may be true, so why should we make it easier for them to commit those atrocities by arming them with efficient killing tools? Yes, I said it, and I confess it: a gun is merely a tool. A tool that was designed for killing, and it is a very well-designed and effective tool. I have heard it argued at least a few dozen times, that perhaps we should outlaw cars since so many people die in car crashes each year, far more than die in gun violence. Despite that fact that, again, no one is trying to “outlaw” guns, cars are not designed to kill people. In fact, cars are engineered to minimize the loss of life if they are used improperly. Guns are engineered to maximize the loss of life if they are used properly. Surely, any person who is genuinely attempting to recognize that difference can easily do so. Maybe a maniac would try to build a bomb, or go on a stabbing spree? Again, all these uses entail the misuse of materials that are intended for other purposes. Guns, when used properly, take casualties. That is their sole purpose. The NRA is correct, a gun cannot intend to commit murder, people do that themselves, but guns are the tool best suited for the job. It is their purpose. Am I repeating myself?

Finally, I’ve got to ask: why has the NRA pushed so hard to restrict research into the area of gun violence? Are they afraid of what we might find out? Here is an article discussing the dearth of research into gun violence, and how it is stifling action in Congress. It disturbs me greatly to think there are people who are content to simply allow this pandemic of gun violence continue unabated. It is understandable to have differences on how to solve the problem, but to refuse to acknowledge the problem is foolish at best, sinister at worst. We live in a society where, unfortunately, we have become accustomed to serious violence on an almost weekly basis. The events in Turkey this week are spurning the International community to finally say enough is enough. We are tired of violence, and we need to take action. How and why are we unable to make the same decision domestically?

*It’s right here..

New note: Let’s not even DISCUSS Trump’s comments calling newspapers “good sources”.

The time has come, at last, for your favorite writer to upgrade. Myspace was fun, Blogspot was great, but technology marches stoically onward. There shall not be much stoicism here. I’m in the process of transferring some of what I think is my best stuff from the aforementioned sites to this one, in addition to  creating new material. For all five of you who have read my stuff in the past, Thanks for following me here. For any new readers, welcome! I appreciate your time and eyes. I hope you’ll all check back for more soon. Cheers!