Revised, again: The Top 100 Albums of All-Time (100-91)

Trust me, I don’t want to keep doing this.

It’s just that Rolling Stone Magazine keeps rehashing/revising their “Top 500 Albums of All Time” list. Rolling Stone, the magazine that panned Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith in the 1970s, that could be using their considerable heft and publishing power within the industry to break new bands instead of waxing nostalgic about Fleetwood Mac, and the owner of which, for all intents and purposes, decides who enters the odious Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They should be ashamed of themselves.

That said, anyone who even intermediately calls themselves a fan of music has a soft spot for these sorts of lists. Some may be too hip to admit it, but they are just lying because they are hip. They say they hate it, but they read it so they can shit on it. This is why Rolling Stone keeps publishing it (also because critics take their own opinions too seriously).

There is a 100 percent chance that some of the records that appeared on Rolling Stone’s list will appear on this one, too. There is also a 100 percent chance that many of the albums I yelled at the inanimate pages of said magazine for being overlooked will appear here. There is a 100 percent chance that I will never, ever, wax nostalgic in any way about the horrendous Fleetwood Mac. Spoiler: They will not appear and they will not outrank the Beatles in way, shape or form (which should be evidence of how much better this list is than RS’s).

So, without further adieu, and without the pretense of 500 albums (as if there is really any distinction between, say, nos. 473 and 498), I present the newest, revised-est, hopefully last Top 100 Albums of All Time List:

100) Foo Fighters – Foo Fighters

It would be inaccurate to say that Dave Grohl was not a huge rockstar when this record was released in 1995 (given his previous employment), but he wasn’t touring-around-the-world-on-a-literal-throne-of-guitars huge. It’s easy to look back at this record and wonder WTF happened to the Foos, but when it arrived on the scene, I was positively smitten. I spent so many hours with this album that the cover insert was a mangled mess before it was eventually lost, along with the plastic cover (CDs FTW). I studied the “I’m OK, Eur-Ok” MTV concert intently, “Weenie Beenie” seemed liked the coolest and most cathartic song ever, even if Grohl was the only one who knew the words. “Alone + Easy Target” and “For all the Cows” always made the cut when mixtapes were being assembled. This record begins so perfectly, you can see it. Grohl walks into the room, plugs in, adjusts his volume knob and begins: “visiting is pretty, visiting is good, seems that all they ever wanted was a brother…” and off we go. This album is earnest without being ambitious, fun without being silly. Sigh. What have you become, Foos?

99) Deee-Lite – World Clique

From the global village in the age of communication came Deee-Lite. Deee-Lite was both 20 years behind and ahead of their time. This album would be a guilty pleasure, but there is nothing to feel guilty about. They introduced a certain white, suburban 9 year-old to Bootsy Collins and Q-Tip with “Groove Is In the Heart”, a song which is still defiantly joyous 25 years later. Everyone loves it, and those who don’t are lying. “Try Me On, I’m Very You” was the first song that pissed my parents off, and “E.S.P.” was completely over my head. Lady Miss Kier, I do deeply dig. How do you say Deee-Lite?

98) Weezer – Pinkerton

This is where I must call out some bulls***. If you go to Rolling Stone’s website today and look up the review for this record, you will see that it is rated a five-star masterpiece. I do not disagree; the problem is, they didn’t bother to change the article they originally wrote in 1998. This bit of retconning is shown for the hogwash it is when someone actually reads the review. Writing of “El Scorcho”, the author states that “the song’s infectious chorus proves to be a slim reward,” and says that “Tired of Sex” is “as aimless as the subject’s nightly routine.”

In reality, “Tired of Sex” is one of history’s greatest album openers. Yep, it’s kinda dumb, but rock music is supposed to be dumb. Are “Buddy Holly” or “Undone (The Sweater Song)” super serious artistic statements? “Pink Triangle” and “Across the Sea” are undeniably ranked as nos. 1 and 2 as the best songs ever shouted into the night by a carful of twenty-somethings driving up Highway 17. Do not get confused: This is Weezer’s best record. Ironically, just like the drive home on Highway 17, it was all downhill from here for Weezer, as everything that followed was revoltingly pungent. This (correct) point of view is captured beautifully in a SNL skit that was too accurate to be funny. Leslie Jones FTW.

97) Jackyl – Jackyl

In the throngs of a nation’s obsession with grunge, Jackyl dared to be the raunchiest band with the biggest hair. Jesse James Dupree is an absolutely absurd individual, a prerequisite for the frontman of a band as glorious as Jackyl. The man plays a chainsaw “solo” on stage, in the nude. The band exhausted their entire catalog of quality music on this record, but there is not a single gelding in the bunch. This record is positively loathsome: boobs, beer, and bad behavior are celebrated with joyous disregard for who might be offended. “I Stand Alone” sounds like Guns N’ Roses if Axl didn’t take himself too seriously. “Dirty Little Mind” stands as a rock n’ roll nursery rhyme, guitarist Jimmy Stiff (see?) practically says “neener neener” with his guitar.

“Down On Me” (double entendre alert) is another highlight. I confess that “She Loves My Cock” is too much, even as I celebrate the complete chauvinism this record revels in. I absorbed some very uncomfortable moments when my mother and I unwittingly saw this band live together, opening for Aerosmith. That song is so very cringeworthy that it hurts the overall package. Yep, this record will piss your parents off, but isn’t that what it’s all about? Jackyl was so disgusting that this record was banned from a K-Mart in Georgia, so the band set up a stage outside the store and played the record in its entirety. That kinda puts Jackyl in the same league as the Beatles and Rage Against the Machine, right?

96) Ten Foot Pole – Rev

Epitaph Records was, in the mid 90’s, for me, the tastemaker. Ten Foot Pole was preceded into my psyche by Pennywise, NOFX, and the Offspring, but Rev was the perfect record at the perfect time.

Often, “angsty” is used as a pejorative to describe music that angry young men enjoy, but Ten Foot Pole’s angst was wrapped in a rebellious hope. The music was uplifting and exhilarating. The lyrics to “My Wall” hit me right in the gut; they were the truth. Ten Foot Pole had summed up the suburban struggle that we aren’t allowed to complain about. “Old Man” is nostalgic for a time that we never really experienced, only heard about. “Broken Bubble” starts off with jangly guitar and ends with Ten Foot Pole handing you the script for speaking truth to power. Every song on this record is skate punk 101, but there are interesting musical twists and chord changes that send this album onto a different plane (check out “Final Hours” for a perfect example).

Fun fact: Former Dodgers’ reliever Scott Radinsky (credited as Scott Pulmyfinger) is the vocalist and lyricist in Ten Foot Pole. This certainly had no bearing on my appreciation for the band.

95) Pearl Jam – Vs.

It would be silly to go on too long about Pearl Jam. We all feel a familiarity with the “Seattle Sound” narrative and band incest that produced Pearl Jam. Mother Love Bone, Green River, Mudhoney, Red Hot Chili Peppers (a decidedly non-Seattle band) and Soundgarden all boast of having a Pearl Jam member in their ranks, or springing from the same tree. Eddie Vedder and Co. have outlasted all of the other bands that may have been more famous, original or impactful, and become deservedly respected elder statesmen.

Vs. finds them early on, coming off the massive success of Ten and getting a little nastier. While Ten was atmospheric and anthemic, Vs. was weird and heavy. I’m sure there were many articles written about how Pearl Jam was trying to measure up to Nirvana, but that’s both impossible and a misguided take. Pearl Jam shunned MTV, hardly a move of a band that is trying to court stardom, and created a record full of classics. “Animal” was “Evenflow” drunk on whiskey. PJ was kind enough to write the chords to “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” in the liner notes and inspired 10,000,000 kids to give it a shot. “Rats”, “Rearviewmirror” and “Daughter” are just exactly what you want from Pearl Jam, even if you are sick of “Jeremy”. It would get even weirder with Vitalogy, and then, like Weezer and the Foos before them, it got a bit corny. Vs. is where it all just clicked. They are the mighty Pearl Jam. So mighty, in fact, that their record label has blocked the sharing of their videos.

94) Soul Coughing – El Oso

Soul Coughing vocalist Mike Doughty started off as a music critic. He decided to quit flapping his gums (or dancing his fingers, as it may be) and give it a try, and the results were positively fantastic. I wish I had that in me. Anyway…

“Rolling” is jaunty and haunting simultaneously, huge Casio drones and bass notes mix with a number of beats per minute you’d have to take off running to dance to. “Circles” is a laid-back middle finger to middle management, with one of the coolest guitar riffs (if you can call it that) ever, and a charming music video that I’m pretty sure was exclusive to Cartoon Network. Doughty isn’t a singer and he isn’t a rapper. He’s a guy with a megaphone, expounding outside of city hall, or he’s an unpretentious coffeeshop poet. “Monster Man” calls back to Wings’ Uncle Albert, but sounds like what would have happened if McCartney’s titular character needed to be summoned from the darkness beyond. Just a cool, creative record.

93) Mothers of Invention – We’re Only In It For the Money

Man, Frank Zappa. We need you bad right now.

Imagine having the temerity, in 1969, to lampoon the Beatles. Furthermore, to appear on The Monkees TV show when the glitterati hipsters were just too cool for that. Frank Zappa did it. He also testified in front of Congress in opposition to Tipper Gore’s PMRC (along with Dee Snider of Twisted Sister) and generally disregarded norms of what music or art was supposed to be… Which is what music and art are supposed to be.

We’re Only In It For the Money is definitely an album that contains music, but it’s really so much more. It’s a blueprint for not giving a f*** and being so good at it that no one can give you any s*** about it. “Who Needs the Peace Corps” contains the lyrics “every town must have a place where phony hippies meet/psychedelic dungeons popping up on every street,” and Zappa takes the piss out of not just the hippies, but the cops, too. “What’s The Ugliest Part of Your Body?“ is a 63-second anthem to the modern American, both in 1969 and 2022. The whole record seems put together in pieces, like the band had a bunch of cool snippets of songs that they weren’t sure what do with, but that is selling Zappa short. He definitely knew what the hell he was doing, and seemed to revel in others not getting it. Frank Zappa was a savant and a prophet. Bow your head.

92) Nirvana – Nevermind

It’s likely that this record has been dissected in ink more than any other on the list. People have been searching for meaning in Kurt Cobain’s lyrics since 1991, and especially since 1994. I tend to believe the vast majority of his lyrics are Melvins-level nonsense, as Cobain stated in so many words, himself, multiple times. That said, I also think Kurdt would and did deeply appreciate that people are spending so much mental energy (see: love) hearing him out.

What can I even say about this record? That maybe I’m rating it too low, based on the sheer cultural power it possesses? Should I talk about the childish-joy-and-primal-scream, therapeutic power of “Lithium”, a song with a chorus consisting of the single word, “yeah”? Maybe Krist Novoselic’s wonderful rendition of the Youngbloods’ “Get Together” to open “Territorial Pissings”? I could point out that, as far as I know, Nevermind was the first record with a deeply hidden track, “Endless, Nameless”, that scared the holy hell out anyone who let the CD play and went about their business. 35 minutes after you thought the record was over, it pummels you with cacophonous stoner metal that stuns you into scrambling around, trying to figure out what that is and where it is coming from. “Drain You” is Nirvana’s best song. The version of “In Bloom” featured on Nevermind is not nearly as sludgy as the Sub-Pop single issued a year earlier, but it is hard to argue that Dave Grohl’s cleaner drumming is not an improvement. “Smell Like Teen Spirit” is Nirvana’s “Stairway”, I could never hear that song again and be perfectly fine, and maybe the ubiquity of that song hurts this album’s rank. It’s hard to explain the nostalgia and connection I, and people of my generation, have with this record, but if you are a member of that generation, you get it. Enough said.

91) Rolling Stones – Sticky Fingers

If anyone was actually paying attention to this list, they would probably already be upset that I ranked Nevermind so low, and now they are really apoplectic.

Honestly, I wouldn’t disagree with your anger, even though I do. The Stones were in their absolute prime when they put this record out, this the 4th in a string of 5 or 6 records (culminating, according to popular opinion, with Exile on Main Street) on which they absolutely were the world’s best rock n’ roll band. Brian Jones’ (RIP) replacement Mick Taylor kicked the bluesy swagger up to 11, replacing Jones’ experimental psychedelia with pure raunch. The first five tracks are absolute gold: “Brown Sugar” is questionable content in 2022, but in 1971, served as a perfect vehicle for Mick Jagger’s sinewy lasciviousness. “Sway” is the song that people are talking about when they say the Rolling Stones were the darker, grittier side of British rock, especially if you consider that the other side of that coin, the Beatles, were walking down that long and winding road and letting it be. It’s bleak, continuing the Stones’ invocation of the devil that started out as sympathy. “Wild Horses” is pristine, and probably the soundtrack to a thousand weddings. “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” sounds like smuggling drugs into the US from Colombia (Martin Scorsese hears it, too), and is followed by “You Gotta Move”, road-weary and hungover from the decadence it just witnessed. The thing is, after those gems, the album feels a little… long? I choose to believe it is a testament to just how good those first five songs are, there is no way the Stones had it in them to maintain that level of chemical excellence. Sticky Fingers is indulgent, and maybe the last time the Stones weren’t kind of a rooster-strutting singles band. Then again, Keith Richards still walks upright, so maybe there is no level of chemicals that can stop the Stones.

Speaking of indulgence, thanks for indulging me and checking this out. The fact that you care about my opinion makes me feel like Mick Jagger. I hope you’ll come back for the next, what, 8-9 parts? I also hope you’ll share this, even if it is to show others what a fool I am. See you soon, be excellent to each other, and party on, dude.